Nor Azmira Abu Bakar (29/10/1983 - 2/7/2018)

My week started with a busy schedule on Monday. I had meeting in the morning for a conference to be held on Wednesday, and I needed to attend an event called Appreciation Day cum Education Faculty assembly at night. Nonetheless, I got a call from a dear friend, Angah Ija, saying that another dear friend, Ajie, passed away at exactly 4.00pm. Both Angah and Ajie are in my circle of BFFs since secondary school. We knew each other since primary school, but we only got really close when we entered secondary school.

Angah called – literally crying – telling me Ajie passed away. I got numb then and there. I cut the line and sat for a while. I think, I was gathering some courage. Like literally gathering strength to inhale and exhale. Ajie passing away was something I expected. She was battling cancer since few years ago. The chemo didn’t go well with her – or perhaps she didn’t go well with the chemo – either way. She was bedridden since 3 months ago and her mum, Cik Mus has been taking care of her ever since. Seeing Cik Mus taking care of Ajie was heartbreaking. True power of a mother’s love.

Eventually I took Angah back to our kampong in Negeri Sembilan. We only reached Jelai at about 10.++pm, and the burial was over. Everybody was on their way to head back home. Angah and I stayed at Ajie’s grave for a while. We talked to Ajie. I think that was the sincerest words I have ever uttered in my whole life. So far, there’s no death that ever got so close to me. Not until this. I couldn’t touch her grave; even the woods which are the temporary tombstones. For the first time, I shed some tears for Ajie – I never did before, because I want her to see only strengths around her.

Battling cancer, Ajie taught us courage. Bravery to live with parasites within you and keep smiling, come what may. She taught us to be thankful. Be thankful with what you have, who you have, when you have. She taught us to be patient. Patience is a virtue. Not a mere quality, but a virtue which is accompanied by redha. Pleased with Allah’s qada’ and qadr. She taught us – me – those, and so much more.

Talking with Cik Mus broke my heart. Talking with Fekh (Ajie’s hubby; a classmate as well) broke my heart even more. Talking to Maiyah and Zara (Ajie’s two angels) shattered the last piece of whatever that’s left. Til today, I cannot post a single word about Ajie on social media. I don’t want to gain as much “Like” or “Comment” on my posts by using Ajie’s name. I would feel guilty towards her. I’m posting here because I’m sure; none of my friends read this.

Do I miss Ajie? NOPE.

I don’t miss her at all. I know she is now in good hands. She is resting. I always pray that Allah would ease her session with Munkar and Nakir. I pray Allah make her grave spacious. I pray Allah allows her to visit others in the grave world. I pray, if Ajie ever sees me, she would pray for me too. Damn. I miss her.

Rest, Ajie.

Doakan aku, tau.

Kau selamanya Ajie untuk aku. Aku takkan panggil kau ‘arwah’.

Kau kuat. Lebih kuat dari kitorang.

Sebab tu Allah pilih kau. Pilih Cik Mus. Pilih Fekh.

Doakan aku, Ajie. Dan kawan² kita. Doakan, tau.